Perla Suferintei testimony

Posted: februarie 25, 2014 in Uncategorized

I choose to belive that I’m God’s dream and it was his desire for me to be born, even for my parents I was a burden. When my mother became pregnant with me, it was a difficult time – for me and for her – because my father didn’t want to have a third child. Many years I had to suffer and I didn’t understand why until one day I found the truth, a very painful one. Until I was 3 or 4, my father used to say to me that I’m not his child and all the time when I tried to sit in his arms as my brothers did, he used to reject me. Because of that, I became a very introverted child. But even if my parents rejected me, God was always with me and I can say I started to search for him even from my early childhood. I was in a continuous unrest, I knew I was missing something but at that age I was not able to figure precisely what was about but all this time God was the one that filled the void which missing human affection, love and friendship left behind.
Because of this rejection, I had to suffer a lot, also, physically, not just psychologically because at a certain moment, they passed me to the orphanage where I remained for almost two years. There I was beat and as a result, one of my legs was broken and after this period, when I returned to my home, I had to spent almost three years in hospitals for recovering, travelling between cities of Constanta, Agigea and Mangalia. In all this time, It was very difficult for me to be far away from my brothers because, as a child, I used to love them a lot. As time passed, I grown in this athmosphere of constant tension an bitter words like: “you’re good of nothing” and “you’ll never succeed in life”. I had to grow with this ideas implemented in my mind and even I was a good pupil during the school period, I considered myself as the valueless and lowest even if God raised me to a new level of understanding as he wished. And then, in my childish mind new questions rose so I asked God: why did I have to suffer so much? So one day, my father, been upset on my mother – scandal was something very common in my family – as an answer to the question: why don’t you love me as you love my brothers (it was very obvious the difference in his attitude to me and my older brothers), told me that I was not his natural daughter. So I got the meaning of all this suffering.
So I grew as a teenage and in all this time I used to go the an eastern-orthodox church each Sunday because there I was accepted as I was – they didn’t make any difference between me and my brothers and also didn’t see the suffering from my soul. That made me love them and focus my love on those strangers and even from early childhood, I realized that people outside my family loved me more than my own family. Or maybe they loved me also but just didn’t know how to show their love… or difficulties from our family made them to close themselves to us. Anyway, this had a bad effect to us, as children.
As a teenager, as I said, I was in a continuous search for God, I use to ask all kind of questions about that and couldn’t find answers to satisfy my soul. In my family, my parents didn’t share me anything about religion so I think my faith was given to me by God. When I was 15, after my mother and father split apart and reunited a few times, on day, when my father found me alone in my room, he tried to rape me, saying he can do that, as long as I am not his natural daughter. But God didn’t allow him to accomplish his plan because His protection was with me so in that time, my mother together with my brother in law entered the room (meanwhile, my sister got married) and they stopped him.

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